another line of work is removed from my possiblities

several years ago i went and played a soccer tournament in arizona over Martin Luther King jr day.
while it was freezing in utah, it was 72 degrees in arizona and sunny. the problem with it being 72 degrees in january is that they are never able to get grass to grow on their soccer fields. When we showed up to play in this tournament, the fields were large sections of dirt with a goal at both ends and a white line around the outside. During one of the games, i slid for some reason (probably to score a goal becasue i am such an offensive threat on the pitch) and after sliding remembered that there wasn't any grass on the field. One of the players there had a girldfriend that came with him and that was trained in some sort of medical field. Even though i had never met her, she insisted on taking care of my injuries.
My injuries healed as much as they could have but, combined with a few bicycle accidents and various other incidents, my better half was left somewhat blemished.
As i was getting into the shower this morning, someone pointed out that i have a few various scars on my backside.
At this time of year, a lot of people are thinking about doing a little extra work or getting a part time job to help with Christmas. I was never out actively auditioning, or seeking work to be a butt double, but in the back of my mind it was always there as an alternative. Although it is a long shot, i still have the option to go back through medical school and become a doctor. I don't want to, but if i had to, I could probably manage a KFC restaraunt. The realization that i will never be a butt double, even if i wanted to, was like having a ton of bricks dropped on my head. Sorry megan, i was going to get you a new lexus, like in the commercial with a big red bow tied around it sitting in the driveway, but this Christmas is going to be a little tight.